Cookies and Lasso

There will be spoilers. And possibly chocolate chips.

THE INSPIRATION: The Chase

“A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.”

— Madonna

Do you struggle to know what you want? I do. And not just in the big picture of my life. If you ask me what I want for dinner, I will freeze. I will not be able to tell you. That is the direct result of abuse, yes, but it’s also because of two other things.

One, choices are hard. There are studies that say the more choices we have, the lower our happiness. Sifting through all the many things that you can have and that you can do and that you can be is fucking exhausting. Ian and I hate choosing, so we have a deal; one of us whittles the available choices down to three options, and the other one chooses between those three options. It’s amazingly helpful.

Two, how can I know what I want while it’s still in the territory of the imagination? Look, the fantasy of marrying Prince Charming and living in the castle may seem nice, but only because all I’m seeing is the good parts; the freedom that wealth provides and the undying love of a prince. But there’s a cost. You trade your privacy, your community, and you gotta give some severe side-eye to the presumption that it’s safe to marry someone you hardly know because he’s a prince.

What I’m saying is, once you’re in the actual reality of that choice, it could suck. How can I know what I want if it’s something I haven’t experienced yet?

Because of that, many of us live in the realm of negative, or absent, goals; only knowing what we don’t want. And that means that we don't learn what to chase; we only learn what to run away from. In fiction, I tell writers to set a positive, or present, goal for their protagonists, because the chase is where the growth is. I think that’s true in life as well.

Some things, you may genuinely not know if you want them, and that’s okay. But if you could pick one positive, present goal to chase, what might that be?

THE FAT ORANGE CAT: When You Give a Protagonist A Cookie…

Give someone a cookie in your story, but make sure it’s a cookie with meaning. It’s a rare recipe, or it’s a peace offering. Or the new football coach is trying to connect with the team owner by bringing her a pink box full of the world’s most amazing shortbread.

Or… maybe it’s poisoned.

OMG. I just had a visceral reaction to that idea. Can you imagine a bigger violation of trust than to poison a warm, gooey, chocolate chip cookie? The betrayal! The audacity! I cannot EVEN with that.

Give someone a cookie. See if it kills them.

The “Get Your Stuff” link will bring you to an item I selected specifically to accompany this post, but you do not have to buy that thing in order to support me. Just keep popping through Amazon and buy the stuff you were going to buy anyway.

THE TROPE: Prologues

Last week we talked about one of my least favorite writing devices; the flashback. That said, there are times when a flashback works.

The same goes for prologues.

Look, I know. If you’ve been with me for a while, you’ve heard me I give the what-for to prologues a number of times. And epilogues… but we’ll talk about that another time.

Prologue is similar to flashback in that it is often examining an event from the past, except it comes at the beginning, delaying the start of the actual story. This isn’t a problem if the prologue does some narrative lifting; meaning that what happens in the prologue is directly connected to the main narrative either mechanically (what happens in the prologue is essential to the main narrative) or thematically.

The important part of that is that it’s essential. That means that if you remove the prologue, is the story fundamentally weaker? If so… you’re good to go. Keep your damn prologue.

What we want to avoid as writers is putting in a prologue because we want the reader to know something (expository) or we want to show off this amazing scene we wrote that takes place before the book starts. That’s discovery writing; it’s important for us as writers, but not for the reader or the story.

The thing to remember about prologues is that they’re not always a misstep. Just be sure you’re looking at yours critically.

THE QUESTION: Advancing Your Career

Okay, nothing came in this week that I’ve been asked to answer here, so once again… to the Redital Random Journal Prompt Generator:

“What is something you need to overcome in your career to advance to the next level??”

Interesting question, especially since I’m at the verge of a change in my career. I’ve already addressed the fact that I am shit at the ask, but I’m trying to do better. So after that?

I need to understand my own value. In a conversation with my beloved this weekend, I realized that I do a value calculus to everything I say. So, if what I’m about to say has no apparent value to someone other than myself, I don’t say it. That’s why I’ve always needed a blog or a podcast to talk about my shit. I don’t journal; that only benefits me, even though it involves no one else and my journaling is no inconvenience to anyone else. That’s how bad I am with this. Even in therapy, I start every session with, “Kerry, how are you doing?”

So… bottom line, I’m trying to re-think my sense of my own value in my personal life, and I think I need to re-think it professionally, too. I’m happy to do everything for free, but if I’m going to quit my job… and I’m going to quit my job… I have to know that my work has value and that asking people to pay for (some) of it isn’t a bad thing.

So it comes back to the ask. Huh. Anyway… thank you to those of you who are on the paid tier here at Dear Writer. And this is where I ask those of you who are not to consider it.

God, that’s uncomfortable. I clearly have more work to do. But, just so’s you know, I finished my book this week and on Saturday, all paid subscribers are getting access to an excerpt.

THE PRACTICAL: It is now safe to Lasso

Like so many people right now, I’ve been keeping up with new episodes of Ted Lasso as they came out, even though I hate watching a show from week to week because I wasn’t a patient person before binging became a thing, and now I’m just completely ruined. But I’d just discovered Season 1 right before Season 2 came out, so there was no way I was going to have the patience to wait until Season 2 was done before I watched it.

Before I get into my spoiler-laden thoughts, this is your warning to stop reading if you haven’t seen Season 2.

OKAY.

At first, I wasn't sure about this season because it seemed like it had a story and then it seemed like a “let’s watch a lot of people being happy” epilogue, and I know a lot of people like epilogues and no shade if you do but…. people being happy isn’t story. People being challenged is story. I’m all for people being happy. I just don't want to… you know… watch it.

But then it got into the Nate going dark storyline, and Ted’s struggle with accepting Sharon and getting help with his mental health issues, and that was all good. But before we get to that, let’s start with the smaller storylines.

Roy and Keeley were a lot of “let’s watch happy people be happy” for most of the season. I mean, yeah, sure, they had their little quibbles, but nothing hugely worrisome. But when she told him about Jamie at the photo shoot, that seemed significant, like she was trying to tell him that their relationship maybe wasn’t what she wanted. But then at the end of the season, when she turned down his six-week vacation, she didn’t say it was over. She said they were still together. So I have no read on where exactly Keeley is.

Rebecca and Sam was a bad idea. It’s tough that she is his boss. It’s a steep power differential, and it’s hard to get past when a relationship is young; is this relationship worth sidelining your career? But the bottom line is… he’s 21. I think Sam is wonderful and if he was maybe Roy’s age and quit the job to be with Rebecca, it probably would have been fine. But even if he wasn’t working for her… he’s 21. I know the “it’s legal” thing tends to be line for adult vs. child, but in reality, it’s not that simple. There are some very mature 21-year-olds and I think Sam qualifies for that. I might get over the youth thing by itself… actually, I would get over that way faster than the boss thing… but the two combined was just way too toxic, and the fact that the show didn’t see that textually was a problem. They nodded at it, but as though it was a minor problem, not a Big Problem. I can absolutely see what any woman would see in Sam because he is an extraordinary human being, and I don’t believe Rebecca was being predatory in her behavior toward him, but it’s just not okay. It doesn’t matter that it’s a woman in power, and it doesn’t matter that Rebecca probably wouldn’t abuse her power with Sam. She doesn’t need to abuse the power; the presence of that complete power is already too much. It’s on the powered person to respect the power differential; I put this on Rebecca, and I like her a lot, so that sucks.

I loved Sharon’s arc and her friendship with Ted; that was really lovely. I love that we made a space for therapists to also need therapy, Because Human. And I loved when she said, “Are you good at your job? Because I’m even better at mine.” God, I love a love story between a person and their work.

And finally… Nate’s descent into darkness. It was so sad, but so well done and well seeded. I didn’t even realize it was happening until we were already well into it. I loved Nate in Season 1, but sometimes people are only sweet because they haven’t been given the power to not be sweet. You see who a person really is when they’re given the option to behave however they want, and what was revealed about Nate as he gained more power and prestige was heartbreaking. I love a redemption arc so much, and man… I hope that’s what we get with him next season.

Leave your thoughts in the comments; I’d love to chat about it!

Everything,

L