Dear Writer,
So all of this, once again, brings me around to done.
Because I was abused as a child, and later during a marriage, I have believed that I am inherently lesser than everyone else, just at a base human level.
Because I believe that, I believe that I don’t get to be human, I don’t get to make mistakes, I don’t get to be just average at anything.
Because I believe that, when I make mistakes or do just regular-grade work, I feel like I don’t deserve love, and being unloved is a source of terror for me because I was born to people who were unable to love me, and I have lived my life desperately trying to avoid that fate again.
Your story may be different in the details. But if you are struggling with the proper placement of your fucks, you have a story and you should figure it out, preferably with a therapist if you can. Number your fucks. Spend them with extreme prejudice.
And then get the work done, without making it any of your beeswax if it’s actually good. Good is about ego, and I don’t have any more fucks for ego.
And neither, I would guess, do you.
Everything,
L