Messy

Sometimes you know what you're doing, and sometimes, you don't

Dear Writer,

I don’t like being messy. Not liking being messy is a new thing for me, because I’ve been pretty messy my entire life. But suddenly, now, I find myself being the kind of person who has to make the bed every morning the second she hops out of it. Not gonna lie; it’s a little weird, but I’m rolling with it because… I kinda like it. I like a structure. I like a plan. I like when there’s a place for everything and everything is in its place.

Which is why Dear Writer is driving me nuts.

Last week for the Q&A letter, I answered a question about quitting, and I was a little bit struck when I asked the questioner, “Are you done?”

There was a little answer inside me that said… yes.

I’m not done with writing. I’m not done with the Dear Writer newsletter.

But I am done with having a paid tier.

This is what’s been happening:

I started Dear Writer because I wanted to talk about writing and work through why I wasn’t writing, even though I love stories and writing as much as I ever did. I worked through all that and now I’m writing again, thanks to this newsletter helping me process my fee-fees and the Year of Writing Magically workshop, which is the most magical thing I’ve ever done for my writing.

(Applications are open for the 2024 workshop, apply now, it’s unbelievable.)

The whole paid tier here at Substack comes from the fact that I love Substack and I want to support it, and using this great site for free and giving away this weekly writing work for free felt somehow… wrong?

Because capitalism… I guess?

So I kept turning off the paid tier and turning it back on and trying to find a way to make it work for me but I’m gonna be honest… it’s not working for me. I like this space the way it has been. I like inviting people in and making a warm space for them. I like writing every week because I enjoy connecting with you, not because I’ll feel guilty if I don’t. I don’t like checking credentials at the door. That’s not my style.

So, in the grand tradition of Michael Scott’s vasectomies…

… we’re gonna reverse this.

Again.

Here’s how it’s gonna work:

• All paid subscriptions are heretofore paused and that’s that. I’m not turning it back on again.

• The podcast version will no longer be coming through Substack in an annoying extra email every Monday. For anyone who wants an audio version, it is now available as a podcast you can subscribe to through any podcast app.

• If you have supported me financially via Dear Writer, thank you. If you want to continue to support me, the best thing you can do is tell people about Dear Writer, How Story Works, and the Year of Writing Magically Workshop.

I know I’ve been changing things up a lot. I know some of you may be rolling your eyes at the mess I’m making here. I know it’s weird and it looks unprofessional and like I don’t know what I’m doing.

That’s because, baby, I do not.

And that’s okay. Life is messy. People are messy. Everyone who tells you that you have to do everything perfectly from the get-go is lying to you. It doesn’t matter if you trip up sometimes; the point is to keep going.

Years and years ago, I came across a review of Anne Lamott’s Blue Shoe in the New York Times. I haven’t read the book, but there was one line in the review—not the book, the review—written by Claire Dederer that called the book, “messy, brave, and weirdly lovable” and that has been my personal mantra ever since. That is what I aspire to.

And I think I’ve achieved it with this space here.

So… go, me.

Everything,

L