Dear Writer,
Yesterday, while recording an episode of In The Gutter, my co-host Joshua and I got into a discussion about choices and how powerful they are in fiction. And no joke; they are. We were discussing Ed Brubaker’s run on The Winter Soldier. For those of you who a) don’t remember this retelling in the Marvel Cinematic Universe or b) could not give less of a shit, the basic story is that Captain America’s kid sidekick Bucky was killed during WWII, brought back to life by the Russians, and molded into an assassination machine. They kept him in stasis, only bringing him out to do their bidding. He did not appear to remember anything about his previous life, and murdered with skill and efficiency, but there were events here and there that indicated that the hero inside was trying to get out.
In “Civil War,” one of the most powerful moments is when Cap tells Bucky that all the things he did weren’t his fault; he didn’t have a choice.
“I know,” Bucky responds. “But I did it.”
Choices are everything when it comes to character; even when a character doesn’t have a choice, like Bucky, the things they do are part of their fabric, same as us. If you want your readers to know your characters, give your character a choice, and then show us who they are with that choice.
Huh. I think I’ve said “choice” too many times. Sounds weird now.
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When discussing this, I’m also reminded about that line in the Buffy season 1 episode “Lie to Me,” where a friend of Buffy’s from her old high school is dying and wants to become a vampire. When she challenges him on this, he tells her he doesn’t have a choice.
And she responds with, “You have a choice. You don’t have a good choice, but you have a choice.”
Choice in fiction is everything.
In real life, though… it gets a bit more complicated.
I’m thinking about choices a lot right now because I have so damn many of them to make. We’re looking for a new place to rent in Denver, and every day, I get a number of emails from the various websites saying, “Hey, here’s a new one!” And with every one, I see things that make me go, “Yay!” and then other things that are more of a, “Well….” The truth is, most of them would probably be fine; they all have upsides and downsides. But it’s taken me weeks of going through all of these options to finally rank what’s most important and least important.
Most important; location.
Least important; air conditioning.
I mean… you can always get a window unit.
But there are so many damn things to consider. Is it a house, duplex, apartment, townhome? Three bedrooms or two with an office space? Older and cheaper, or newer and more expensive? How much for the cats? Are utilities included? What’s a dealbreaker and what is not, for us and for the landlord?
And it brings to mind the study where they showed that the more choices people have, the less happy they are. And I get it. There are a lot of things about the apartment we’re in that kinda suck, but I don’t care. We had to move cross country and we just needed a place to live; we didn’t have the option of tooling around town and looking at a bunch of different places, figuring out the perfect one.
We just threw a dart, said, “Good enough,” and moved in. As a result, the things that weren’t great, we made do. Overall, it wasn’t that big a deal. I learned to love how small it was, learned to accept that the dryer outputs into the apartment (LONG story) and put down carpet squares over the flooring that is basically one big sticker.
Yeah. I know. But I still kinda love it.
Now, however, I’m comparing everything that’s coming up and trying to find the perfect space for us and I cannot describe to you the mental exhaustion I feel after engaging with the hunt. I’m going to look at two places today and honestly, I don’t care. I just want it over.
And then yesterday, I started thinking about the book I’m going to write this year as I both lead and participate in the Year of Writing Magically workshop.
See, I have one idea that is tied to someone else’s intellectual property (not exactly a ghost writing thing, but similar), and that’s the one I really, really want to do, but I have to wait on that person. That one, the basic idea and limitations were laid out for me (fewer choices) and the whole story basically rolled out in front of me like a red carpet.
Then there’s another idea I’ve had; it’s really less of an idea and more of a world concept. I have a main character and the worldbuilding and… that’s it. It could be anything at this point; thriller, romance, humorous fantasy… anything. Every time I read a story (which is part of the discovery process) I imagine this worldbuilding in that style and think, “Oooh, maybe that.” It’s starting to lose all cohesion; I’m not sure it’s time for this idea, or maybe it’s not my story, and I’m just babysitting someone else’s creative child until they’re ready to care for it themselves.
<For more on that idea, read Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic, or listen to the Big Strong Yes episode where we discuss that chapter.>
So now I have all of these choices and I’m beginning to panic. I don’t know what I want to do, or how I want to do it. Do I want to write the same kinds of stories I used to write? Do I want to do something entirely different and tackle new terrain? If so, what terrain would that be?
Do I want to write light and funny? Dark and meaningful?
Love story? Romance? Both?
Magical universe? Realistic?
Look, I’m all for freedom, but this is getting ridiculous.
Everything,
L