What Does This Have to do with Writing?

Dear Writer,

You may feel like we’ve gotten off track this week, but actually… we haven’t.

Ian and I were talking the other day. About his work. About my work. About the fact that my fucks running around unbudgeted is making it impossible for me to focus on the things that matter, like the work to which I’ve allotted two whole fucks.

But I can’t do as much of this work as I’d like, because I’ve got fucks spread out all over my day job and the house sale and the person who maybe didn't know I smiled at them*.

Anyway, in this conversation, I mentioned that I’ve talked about this a lot with my creative friends, about how hard it is to do the work because we give so many fucks to whether or not it’s good that we can't get started, and it takes forever to finish, which made me realize that quality is a misplaced fuck, because it blocks us from doing the work we’re spending our precious fucks on.

So, in order to effectively create the Work that you give a dear fuck about, you have to NOT give a fuck about whether it’s actually any damn good. You have to actively go into the work with the intent to write crap, which is the ultimate in No Fucks Given.

So that puts a wrinkle in this. I have given two precious fucks to my work because it matters to me that much. But it can’t matter to me that the work good; that is about ego, and as stated, ego shit gets no fucks. I have to give my two fucks only that I do the work. I cannot allow my precious fucks for the work to be consumed by ego, or the work will not get done.

I create the thing. I finish the thing. I leave the thing out in the world for other people to do what they will with. Pay for it, love it, hate it, make a podcast about it and tear it to shreds (which let’s face it, karmically, I have maybe earned a little). And then, once my part of that work is done, I move immediately on to the next thing.

My fucks have to go to not that the work is GOOD, but that the work is DONE.

I’ve known this for a while. You may have heard me say this to you, if you’ve listened to my podcasts. Outcome isn’t your business. Don’t worry about what happens. Just make the thing and move on.

It’s kind of shocking how you can know something intellectually, but still not believe it emotionally. I asked Dr. Jones if there was a term for that in learning theory, and she says it’s cognitive dissonance, which the good ol’ MW defines as, “psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously.”

Which is true of this, but it feels like it lacks the nuance of what I would call this thing, which is a state of knowledge that is still making its way through the snake. I’ve swallowed it, but I haven’t digested it yet. It’s still whole in my epistemological gullet, and it’s been there a long time.

Anyway, I think I might be starting to believe this now. I’m acting on it. I’m stumbling, but I’m acting.

We’ll see how it goes. In the meantime, how are your fucks working out? And for people who already have this shit in hand, advice welcomed in the comments.

Everything,

L

*I can’t get over the fact that I am legit repeatedly taking my precious floater fuck away from that incident. I have so much work to do in this arena.